My Letter to Mae

Dear Mae,

Oh my goodness. You have to be one of the most beautiful kids I've ever seen. I worry daily about how your dad will act when you're a teenager, because let's face it, you will not lack in the area of prospective dates. With the way he acts now when you hug a boy 'friend', I feel for you. Maybe he will soften in his old age when the time comes. I hope, for your sake anyways.

I always wonder, with you having a sister like AJ, if you will grow up to be sincerely compassionate or if you will have a great disdain for her. I know it's hard for you. Always having to feel like you have to keep an eye on her or she'll eat your barbies, or pull your hair, or sit/waller/or practically jump on you, or destroy the room that you JUST cleaned. I hope one day you realize that she's just crazy about you and wants to be in the same room with you and wants to sit next to you. I really don't think she's trying to tick you off...ALTHOUGH I have seen her grab a handful of hair when you jerked a toy from her. You TTTT-totally deserved that one!

I know sometimes you think AJ gets more attention than you, but I hope you realize one day that YOU are the lucky one. I've tried to explain this before, but you're five and I'm not sure if you 'get it', hopefully one day you will. Part of me, deep down, is insanely worried that you will look for attention in all the wrong places when you get older, because you felt as if you were second-best due to all of AJ's needs.

You're smart. Really smart and I knew it a long time ago. And conniiiiivvving. Lol. I see myself in you even though you're not 'mine'. I see you do things and those wheels turning in that head of yours. Always trying to figure out how to get away with something or how to get someone else to take the blame (mainly Alexis lol). I always call you on it and you just stare me down and then 90% of the time you will crack a smile because you know I'm right! Maybe i should let you get away with it. But I don't want to because I don't want you to think it's ok. I want you to learn early that people will figure it out. Maybe Im paranoid, but I just want you to be a good person. A good name means more than any amount of money or social status. The only reason I pick up on it is because it's exactly how my brain worked at that age. You're just a big sister and I was a little sister. I had no one to manipulate lol. I grew out of it, hopefully you will too, because a mind like yours can do a lot of great things.

I know that you will be such a good big sister to Ali. I can tell already that you're gonna be a motherly type. You always want to make sure everyone is doing what they're supposed to be doing. Your mind is like a little daily planner. You want to know everything we are doing every time you're here from start to finish. I'm not sure why. I guess five year olds need to be prepared for all their daily tasks haha. I will never forget when you came to the hospital to see Ali. I don't think I've ever seen you more truly excited (except when you and Alexis opened the dollhouse Big Daddy and Gigi got you for Christmas this year lol). You came thru the door just cheesing from ear to ear and then you kind of hid behind your mom with a huge grin on your face, but like you didn't know what to do lol. Even tonight, when you got up to get a drink before bed and I had just brought Ali in the living room to feed her and laid her on the couch. I was at the refrigerator and you looked at Ali on the couch from across the room and stopped and then started walking toward the hallway. Then turned back around, stopped, and ran over to kiss her on the cheek real fast and ran back down the hallway. You never even saw me watching you, but my heart just melted.

You are so intelligent, sweet (when you want to be lol), helpful, gorgeous, and have so much potential. I hope I get to see you use it all to every extent because the world won't know what hit them when you do.

Love,
Erica

Bonus Mom Advice

Not that I consider myself a professional bonus mom by any means...is anybody really? BUT, after an inbox from a friend the other night, I had a bright idea on something to write. I think it would help a lot of stepmoms or soon-to-be stepmoms.  Until you are a stepmom, you will never understand some of the feelings you face.  ESPECIALLY if you are only a biological mother. As my friend said who is a bio-mom and stepmom, "I think being a stepmom is so much harder than being a mom, because it's hard to find your place"....This is SO TRUE.  I've never put it into those words, finding your place, but there couldn't be a truer statement.  Anyways, what I want to share today is things and feelings I have faced being a stepmom.  Things that I think other women who are already will identify with and things that soon-to-be stepmoms will encounter and wonder if they're normal.  They are. Pretty much anything you will feel is probably gonna be normal..  If you're the stereotypical crazy, mean stepmom like in Cinderella, this is probably not for you. You, more than likely, need to get over yourself.

1.  You are not gonna love the kids the second you meet them and there's no need to feel guilty.  Sounds harsh, right?  Well, it's true and you don't need to act like it either.  Will you think they're cute? Well, more than likely.  Unless they're at a weird, awkward teenager stage lol.  Mine, for instance, were 2 when I met them.  Cute, you ask? Oh heck yes.  I still think I have some of the cutest girls on the planet.  In fact, I proudly compare my kids (in my head) to other people's stepkids LOL.  I literally think to myself,  "Mine are a 100 times cuter than their stepkids." Silly, right? Like I had something to do with how cute they are! HAHA! Except I do take pride in putting outfits together :)
 Back to the "loving" them.  You won't and you don't have to put on a show as far as love goes.  Don't tell the kids you love them, when you haven't made that connection yet.  It absolutely makes me cringe to meet someone that started dating a new person with a kid three days previously and they are talking about how much they love the kid, like the kid is their own.  To me, it's the same as a boy and girl meeting and 2 days later he tells her he loves her.  More than likely, no he doesn't. He LUSTS her, sure.  LOVE? Probably not.  You will grow to love the kid/kids in time.  Don't force it.  A connection is not always immediate.  In fact, sometimes, it takes awhile.  One of mine, in particular, took me a LONG time to truly feel a CONNECTION with her.  It happened on a weekend that I kept her by herself and by myself while her dad was on a hunting trip.  I just wanted some company, so she came and stayed.  We danced and had fun, but I think the thing that did it was her having a mental breakdown about pullups!  She didn't want to wear pullups to bed.  We were having this long, drawn-out conversation about pullups, and I said, "Well, Mae, you pee in your pullup at night.  So if I let you sleep without your pullup, more than likely I will have sheets to wash in the morning and I really hate washing sheets" lol.  She said "But Erica, I promise, if you let me wear panties, I will show you!! Don't you see I never pee in my panties??"....My wheels start to turn at this point...."Yeah, why is that Mae.  You don't ever pee in your panties, but you'll pee in a pullup awake??" ..."Because, I figured if yall only saw that I peed in my pullups and not in my panties that you would just let me wear panties, because I NEVER pee in my panties.....".........."Mae....that's not the way adults think, but I really have to tell you how genius that is.  I mean that's completely logical.....wow".......So I didn't make her wear the pullup that night and she's never peed in the bed at our house again...I don't think at her mom's either.  She was so ecstatic that night, she gave me the biggest hug, like I had just solved one of her biggest problems lol.  I felt like we had crossed this bridge together.  It was the oddest thing.  I remember texting my husband and her mom and telling them the story....we were all like...wow....that's really a smart way to think for a little kid.  It felt so good, that I got to be the one that made that difference for her.  Sounds so silly, but it's true....

2. JEALOUSY.  "WHAAAATTT?!?!" you say. When you have been dating the mom/dad for a period of time without meeting the kids, there will come that moment when you have your first encounter.  More than likely, you will feel odd and out of place, because now your seeing a different side of this person that you're nuts about and it's a side that has absolutely nothing to do with you...yet anyways.  It's called being a parent. When I met Joe's twins, we had been dating about a month.  I remember telling Joe, "What if they don't like me??"...His response was, "They're 2 year old girls, I don't think you have much to worry about"...haha.  They get to the house, and I'm a little uneasy, because I don't know how to act.  They are consumed with their dad and he's wrestling with them in the floor and I'm just sitting on the couch....smiling (cuz it was cute), but I was having this horrible feeling come over me.  The Big Green Monster?? What in the world?? Why was I having a hint of jealousy sneak into my brain over these cute little twins??  I'll tell you why, because up until this point, Joe was all mine.  I hadn't had to face that fact (even though obviously I knew), that I was gonna have to share attention with someone else...two someone elses lol.  I literally had to wipe the Big Green Monster out of my mind and tell myself that was ridiculous.  But, it's not ridiculous.  It's normal.  Now, if you've been with your significant other for sometime now and still feel this jealousy raging...you might have a problem and I can't help you there.  My hint of jealousy faded very quickly as soon as the girls warmed up to me.  In fact, it was the very next time we spent time together.  It was Joe's family Christmas and AJ sat in my lap for literally two hours and never moved nor acted like she wanted to.  If you know AJ, you know this would be quite an odd feat.  She's never still for long.  I remember when we left that night,  Joe said, "You stole my heart a little tonight.  I've never seen AJ do that...."  WINNING. Jealousy defeated. LOL :)

3. You will feel inadequate and out of place.  This is so very common and will happen on a regular basis, because guess what?  You're not their mom! SURPRISE! LOL.  I can't tell you how many times, I've cried when I've heard the, "I want my mom!!!" cry.  Welp! Guess what? She's not here.  Will I do for now??  Yeah, it sucks.  Plain and simple. It makes you feel worthless.  Part of me wants to explain how awesome I am and how they should totally be grateful for me. Guess what? They could CARE LESS! Lol. For the most part, we are past this stage.  More than likely, if you pay attention, it only happens when they are in trouble or not getting what they want.  Rarely, it may happen, just because they sincerely miss their mom.  This is what happens in Little Red's case.  She loves her momma and I truly love that.  In that same breath, she has a way of making you feel worthless when she misses her mom.  I mean like literal meltdowns that you CANNOT stop even with offering six popsicles, favorite movie, popcorn, and a trip to Disney World.  N-O-T-H-I-N-G works.  It's been in those moments, that I screamed (to myself), "I CANNOT WAIT TIL SOMEONE WANTS ME THIS BAD!!! CUZ I FEEL SO UNWANTED RIGHT NOW!!!" It sucks.  Period.  Although, you're always glad they want their mom that much.  It just means they have a good mom.  Let's face it, people talk about deadbeat dads, deadbeat moms are becoming just as prevalent.  In those moments, you just have to be glad they got a good momma and remind yourself how much you love your momma and no matter how cool any other adult was, you eventually would want your mom when you were little too.  Heck, I want my mom now sometimes and I'd like to think I'm a big girl! LOL

4.  They will get on your nerves.  Remind yourself, they get on their bio-parents nerves too.  No matter what you think, at times, they make their real moms want to climb the walls too, whether the mom wants to admit it or not.  So you're not alone and don't think you're horrible because they are driving your bonkers one weekend (ESPECIALLY if you're pregnant BAHAHAHA).  Because they drive their moms bonkers too :)

5. You will feel like the B**** Stepmom on occasion and it's ok.  When I first married Joe, I was consumed with not being the stereotypical stepmom.  I didn't want to get onto the girls.  I wanted them to think I was the greatest, most awesome person on the planet! I told Joe, I want them to grow and think of me as the person they can come to about anything...like I'm their FRIEND!!!!....WRONG.  It doesn't work that way.  Especially at my house.  My husband works part of the weekend, so half the day Saturday, it's just me.  Let's face it.  If someone gets in trouble, I gotta do it.  Period.  I tried for the longest time to avoid discipline, because I felt odd and I didn't want to be THAT stepmom.  Then, Joe got onto me for being a "threatener".  He was right, they were walking all over me and it was wearing me out, trying to make everyone happy.  It's impossible to make everyone happy at all times with three kids.  At some point, you have to say NO! QUIT! and STOP! and follow thru with consequences or you'll have a mental breakdown.  Luckily, I think I have a stern enough face (and a lower voice for a girl lol) the girls know I mean business when I mean business if you know what I mean.  If you don't make boundaries, you will wear yourself out trying NOT to be the storybook stepmom (by that, I mean, bad stepmom).  With that said, GUESS WHAT? The girls still like me! Everytime, I walk in the door, they go to yelling my name...."ERICA'S HERE!!", "YOU'RE HOME!!!"...etc.  They are excited I'm there.  As long as they are excited I'm there, I guess I'm still doing ok.  One more thing: I told my dad once, that I was really worried I was maybe being to hard on them.  He said, "If you're worried about it...then that means you're probably doing just fine.  It's when you're not worried about it, that you need to worry.  People that care, worry.  People that don't care. Don't worry" True statement.

That's all I have today.  Ignore my mistakes. I didn't proofread.  I never do. Lol

Have a good day folks!

Santa Videos! Make one for your kids or you're officially a loser! It's free!

I just wanted to share the videos I made for the girls from Santa. I think they are the coolest things ever! I literally got teary eyed (probably cuz I'm a hormonal, pregnant girl) because I was imagining how excited they will be. I can't imagine getting a video message from Santa at their age! I mean HOW COOL RIGHT! Check them out and don't be a tool, make one for your kids! It's free! :D

Alexis's Video from Santa

Mae's Video from Santa

AJ's Video from Santa

So this is my first blog....

So I had no idea what to write about....then that wonderful topix website inspired me....

It wasn't an actual thread that inspired me, it was a comment under one of the threads.  It was referring to an older toddler still using a pacifier, which normally I am against.  I think when they can talk...it's time to go.  Just my opinion. I know it's hard for many parents and they don't want to "traumatize" the kid, BUT if that's the worst thing that happens to your kid, count yourself lucky.  There will be MUCH MORE traumatizing events that occur rather than the time you took their pacifier away at 2 or 3...just saying. Now off my soapbox and onto my originally inspired thoughts..

I have a step-daughter who is five, will be six in March.  Her name is AJ (Aubry Joe) and she has something called Angelman Syndrome.  They are very slow in a lot of ways...physically, mentally...etc.  AJ didn't walk til the summer after she turned 3.  She doesn't talk except every once in awhile when she gets extremely mad, she will yell momma!!!! And I swear, one day, while following me-trying to catch up with me, she said "Iga" which I decided was positively "meant" to be Erica..since Alexis, our little one (2 years younger) originally called me "Icka".  She's not potty trained and I don't know if she ever will truly be, because I'm not sure if she will put two and two together. Like "Oh I have to pee so I should go to the bathroom" BUT I could be wrong! I HOPE to be wrong!  AJ will always need 24 hour assistance. Period. I think everyone has come to terms with that and a lot of people ask me "What will ya'll do when she's 10, 15, 20 years old"....My answer, as is my husband's, is pretty much, "I don't know, we'll all cross that bridge when we get there I guess".  She is so fast too.  I mean, I think of her almost like a big 1-2 year old. When they reach that age where they are super curious about everything.  You might take them to the store and they might pull everything off the shelf...AJ is like that...except she's exceptionally bigger than a 1-2 year old.  When we go eat, we have a slight freak-out if the waitress sets anything down in front of her lol.  Sunday we went and ate at McAlister's and the worker brought the whole tray and set it right in front of AJ. AJ was about to be on cloud 9, but dad did a quick two hand grab of her hands while I grabbed everything lol.  We have to push everything away from her because she will turn over everyone's glass, plate, etc if it's in arm's length.

On the flip side, AJ is extremely happy 95% of the time.  She rarely gets mad.  Which is a beautiful thing because when she does, she's strong as an ox!  When she does want to fight you from doing something, you truly have to use a little strength with her..sometimes more than a little! Joe and I call her the beast sometimes, just because she's so strong haha.  So we are extremely happy that she is extremely happy most of the time lol.  She is OBSESSED with water. If there was another word that meant more than obsessed, I would use it.  She can be mad and you can spray water in her face and that frown will flip upside down in a matter of milliseconds.  One other thing that will turn that frown upside down is a swing.  She LOVES to swing. She loves wind in her face.  Joe will roll down the window while driving sometimes and she just SMILES for days.  She's also a great cuddler when she WANTS to be.  This is usually right before, after her meds are taken (For the record, Angelman kids are not known for sleeping without some help.  It's not in their nature...they are 90 to nothing All. The. Time.)  She is a great wrestler lol.  She absolutely goes nuts when anyone gets in the floor with her, but guys must beware.  She has no qualms about kneeing or stepping on your precious jewels during a title match.  It's a wonder Joe has any left!

I say all that to say this.  AJ is normal looking.  She doesn't have any facial deformities, nor anything physical that would make people automatically assume she is mentally challenged.  The most you can probably tell about her is that she has a funny gait in her walk.  When we take her out, we usually give her a pacifier, BECAUSE she is so orally fixated on everything.  She puts EVERYTHING in her mouth.  The pacifier cures that.  People stare at her, especially when she's wearing the paci because I'm sure they are thinking "Um hello!! Your kid is like five!"  We get stares like who knows what for a lot of things AJ does because people look at her and don't put two and two together because she doesn't LOOK the part. 

One day we took the girls to Jumpzone in Conway.  There was a grandmother there with her grandchildren and there was an empty candy box on their table.  They were right next to us and AJ grabbed it a total of 3 times.  Of course, I kept telling her to stop. The lady kept giving her a funny look.  The third time, the grandmother gave AJ the most HEINOUS look to which I responded with a dare of "Look at her like that again..."...probably not the most mature thing I've done, but I couldn't control my anger...I mean it was an empty candy box for crying out loud, not like she was digging her hands in her grandkid's birthday cake or something!

So here is my Soapbox Announcement---Do not stare at other people's kids when you think things they are doing, are odd.  You have no idea what's up with the kid or not up with the kid.  It can be very offensive to the parent.  Very.  If you have a question, most parents would rather you ask to be honest.  I mean I would.  So if you're going to stare, make sure it's because you think the kid is cute and you're smiling at them...not because you're enamored by what you THINK might be wrong with them.